*Dr. Joel Feldman’s response to letter from writer Rich Bergeron
“It is impossible for anyone to begin to learn what he thinks he already knows.”
– Epictetus (c. 100 A.D.)
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In summer of 2007, writer Rich Bergeron wrote to Dr. Feldman asking for his side of the story regarding my surgery at MGH. Here is Dr. Feldman’s response, and my letter to Rich about Dr. Feldman’s version of things. Rich had also accompanied me on my last appointment with my ENT on Cape Cod.
The following was posted to the closed “Losing Face” on MSN Groups on October 28, 2007
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Rich,
I would appreciate it if you would send the attached to Dr. Feldman since he most likely doesn’t read anything I send him. You can delete the first part of the letter which is to you. Actually I just commented as I read his letter.. since his version of things is very different from mine, but I have hard evidence in black & white to back up my story.
I want him to see what I had to do to survive.. that I was forced to mutilate my own flesh to give myself some relief from the torture of having my damaged anatomy cut and sewn up in a manner that has forced me to bend and stoop until I cannot take it any more. How can someone who LIED the way he has and continues to do it even after 10 years be trusted?
When I think back to last year at this exact time, it was just getting to the end of 2 months of living without the horrible pain and pressure in my ears and being able to take a walk and stand up straight.. while using the clips that ate away my flesh. Two months out of 6 years… and I considered the pain of those clips as no pain at all compared to the relief I got from the continual physical TORTURE. I should have ended my life then, on a good note.. Instead I listened to Dr. Birbiglia, who truly was the only doctor I could trust and whom I know really cared what happened to me.. which is why he insisted I return to see Dr. Mucci.. He really thought, as I did, that Dr. Mucci would, at least, examine me and document my condition enough to make it impossible for a surgeon to DENY the mechanics of the problem. Little did I know he too, would succumb to pressure from his colleagues. In light of his hasty retirement and our interaction at my last appointment (thank God you were there), I believe he has some serious health issues off his own, so I can easily forgive him. The private note between Dr. Mucci and Bruce Gordon mistakenly sent to me by Cape Cod ENT with my medical records is proof enough of the pressure he was under regarding the way the practice would “handle” dismissing (blacklisting) me as a patient.
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Please read my comments in red. I was going to respond directly to Dr. Feldman after reading this, but whatever effort I expend must go toward the basic mechanics of survival, and I am short on this count. However, I do not want my final thoughts regarding Dr. Feldman and his role in my present helpless and tragic state to escape him. I would be grateful if you would remind him of the reality of what transpired 10 years ago and how he and MGH (doctors and lawyers) are directly responsible for the destruction of my life.
I want him to know that I believe myself to be a great fool in ever thinking, let alone asking that he help me or even “lower” himself to examine me. As the patient who cancelled her surgery with him after seeing my photos online explained her real reason for doing so, I now understand why she would not allow Dr. Feldman to operate on her in spite of my telling her I believed he was the most skillful surgeon she could want. She said it was his demeaning remark about me… his calling me “crazy Lucille” that made her decide she did not want him operating on her, even if he was the best surgeon in the world (her exact words).
I now know exactly what she meant, although my problem has nothing to do with appearance, and as you know I would gladly accept any horrific appearance in exchange for the necessary reconstruction of the support within my neck that I could easily allow to (and will) kill me when I can no longer continue this physically impossible “stunt” to maintain survival.
The bottom line is I do not have the strength or time to bring every bit of evidence I have before his face which proves that his mistake began the whole ugly, unbelievable process that will kill me… that I have had to feel my healthy body DIE because of a single act of arrogance and deceit that snowballed into a lethal hypocrisy of every medical tenant.
I could not afford to have him operate on me in any case, but if I could get my hands on the money held in trust for my own autopsy (which is possible) I would not hand it over to any doctor who cannot see beyond his own arrogance to admit he made a mistake. Let him not forget that I had my surgery at the Residents’ Clinic because I am poor. Let him not forget that my trust and my life are just as precious as any of his wealthy patients, yet he chose to crush my trust beneath the sole of his shoe, and in doing so, gave permission to a long list of pother doctors to do the same.
He claims he would never cover up for another surgeon’s mistakes, but he was not beyond asking Dr. Sam Hamra to sign an affidavit confirming the photos I posted online were somehow “contrived”. I have never seen Dr. Hamra, yet Dr. Feldman asked him to make such an evaluation to present to the Court. And what kind of arrogance allows him to get away with calling my photos “not an accurate depiction of my true appearance” when he REFUSED TO SEE ME AT THE TIME THE PHOTOS WERE TAKEN.
He can try to justify his own actions with the twisted mentality he shares with his lawyers, and he may fool himself even beyond what my autopsy will reveal… Fine… There is one person he hasn’t fooled…
Me.
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From: Dr. Joel Feldman <JJF@drjoelfeldman.com>
Date: Jul 4, 2007 1:09 PM
Subject: Lucille
Dear Mr. Bergeron,
I was pleased to receive your letter, because, like Lucille, I would like to see our relationship in a better place. Let me first clarify the nature of that relationship. Lucille was never my patient. I never personally operated on her. I simply assisted a plastic surgery resident at the MGH in the performance of a rhinoplasty on Lucille ‹ as I had done one day a month for twenty years as a non-paid contribution to the residency training program.
Prior to the day of surgery, I had never met Lucille, I had not evaluated her clinically, nor had I participated in any decisions regarding the timing or appropriateness of her surgeries at the MGH.
(He did not know I had a facelift and lower blepharoplasties 8 weeks previous? Am I to believe the supervising surgeon is completely ignorant of the patient’s surgical history? I do recall Dr. Schneider commenting when taking my pre-op photographs: “Dr. Feldman is very particular about the photos”. From this, I assumed he was involved in some preliminary review.)
Other senior surgeons did that very competently.
Assuming he did not know I had surgery 8 weeks prior, I would like to know if he would subject one of his private patients to the trauma of a rhinoplasty (not just a tip plasty) 8 weeks after a facelift and lower blepharoplasty?)
I was simply in the operating room to be of technical help to the resident surgeon should that help be needed, which it wasn’t. The resident, in fact, did a very nice job with Lucille’s nasal surgery.
I always said the nasal surgery itself was excellent. However, as the supervising surgeon, he was in charge of my case management.
Several months after the nasal surgery another resident phoned me to say that Lucille wanted to see me, which I did in the residents’ clinic.
My phone records and journal show that I called Dr. Schneider early on the morning of January 30, 1998, because my face and neck were extremely swollen. I told her my neck was wider than the rest of my face and the edema was stretching the skin. I reported that my face and neck were more severely swollen than after my facelift and asked if I should apply a light compression bandage under the chin to prevent further swelling. She called me back later and said she had spoken to Dr. Feldman and he said I should NOT apply this bandage. She was very emphatic about this. I described the quality of the edema, as being like “a water filled balloon” with the skin easily “movable” on the surface, as if the tissue planes were “detached”. I expressed my fear that this massive edema would ruin my facelift by permanently stretching out the skin, to which Dr. Schneider replied: “The possibility of your skin stretching is as likely as a traffic light turning purple instead of red” (verbatim).
My phone records indicate I called Dr. Feldman’s office to make an appointment as a private patient and was told that once a patient has surgery in the Residents’ Clinic, Dr. Feldman will not accept them as a private patient. Of course, I offered to pay his full fee.
She was upset, weeping, and expressed non-specific concerns that her smile had changed, and she wanted her old smile back.
I specifically stated that my smile was different because the soft tissue was “detached” from the muscles of expression. I am certain I was specific in my concern regarding the fact that all areas undermined in my face/neck lift as well as under eyes was no longer “adherent” and that this occurred with the massive swelling of my face and neck after the rhinoplasty. (See my letters to Drs. May, Driscoll, Courtiss, Schneider dated March & April 1998. I believe it is possible to determine whether my concerns were specific.)
I honestly didn’t know what was really bothering her. I thought perhaps that at six months after her face lift surgery (supervised by another volunteer surgeon) that she had become somewhat disappointed that a little (not uncommon) relaxation had occurred in the cheek tissues. However, despite her being emotionally upset, she looked just fine to me, and had no physical abnormalities at all. Nonetheless, my heart went out to her, and I wanted to help her feel better, even though I had not been involved at all in her face lift surgery.
I specifically stated that my concern was with permanent tissue damage caused by the swelling after the rhinoplasty. Please read my letters in which I describe in repeated and exhaustive detail the QUALITY of the stretching and detaching of all undermined tissue. My facelift was firmly “adherent” right up to the day of my rhinoplasty.. so much so that it was still necessary for me to use a child’s tooth brush at that time, because everything was so “adherent” that I still could not open my mouth wide. I had an appointment at Tufts Dental School one week before my rhinoplasty and had to forgo a series of x-rays because I could not open my mouth wide enough to accommodate the film holder. I first noticed that I was able to open my mouth wide the morning after surgery, BEFORE I was discharged from MGH, while eating breakfast of oatmeal. I was surprised that my mouth automatically opened wide. I mentioned this to Dr. Schneider when I spoke to her the next day.. that something felt as if it had “given way”. To say that my concerns were “nonspecific” means that the information I related in reams of letters and dozens of phone calls was ignored. I realize Dr. Feldman was not involved in my facelift, however, the tissue damage occurred as a result of the rhinoplasty being done too soon after the facelift. It was IMMEDIATE, as my phone calls prove, as well as Dr. Schneider’s notes. (See notes, which were excluded from 5 “complete” copies of records submitted to me, until I filed a complaint with JACHO. Shortly thereafter, I received the two missing pages in a plain envelope without a return address.
Because it seemed to me that Lucille had been unduly obsessing about things, and getting herself worked into a state of confusion, I told her that I thought it best if she went back to work for just a month or two (which she had not been doing) so that she could settle down a bit, and then I would see her again in the clinic, and if it then seemed appropriate, I would be happy to help a resident with a secondary face lift if she wished.
This is quite a creative twisting of the facts. I certainly did go back to work in March 1998 and have an entire photographic record of my work. When I finally saw him in October 1998, his examination of my face was perfunctory at best. Rather than feeling the lack of in “adhesion” of the soft tissue involved in the post-rhinoplasty swelling, which could have easily been appreciated by comparing it with unaffected, adjacent areas, he was more focused on convincing me that I looked better than before and even said “Wasn’t it worth the trade off?” He was comparing pre-op photos taken without makeup, of an exhausted face that rushed to make it to Boston after several hours of hard physical labor of a work day which began at 5:30 AM. with post-op photos complete with makeup, one set overexposed and the other Polaroid of dubious quality. Both sets were taken only one month after the rhinoplasty, when edema was masking the final result. Dr. Feldman states in one of his own papers that he never publishes photos until 1 year post op, as anything before that is deceptive, considering the residual edema. Yet when I sent him photos of my face at one year post op, he falsely accused me of deliberately distorting my face and morphing photos. And indeed, sued me for posting those photos online… The original negatives were examined by a legal photographer who documented they are free of any manipulation whatsoever. I have statements signed by my landlady attesting that the photos represent my “natural” and true appearance.
Regarding Dr. Feldman’s role in my surgical experience at MGH, I was informed by Dr. May, Chief of Plastic Surgery and the Residents’ Clinic that Dr. Feldman was “in charge of my case management”. He made this statement in the presence of Erika Hahn and Dr. Schneider during our meeting in May 1998, which I have recorded with Dr. May’s permission.
Lucille agreed to that plan. But despite that agreement, a week later I received the first of many letters from her threatening me if I personally did not operate on her immediately. What then followed was an all-out campaign by Lucille to ruin my reputation, even though I had done her absolutely no harm, and in fact had tried to find a way to get her feeling better.
What plan? He states in his own book that he performed a re-operation on a woman who had only a small area of “crinkled skin” from a seroma. He did not make her wait nearly an entire year, accuse her of “obsessing” over what was a MINOR flaw compared to my full face and neck TISSUE DAMAGE.
As Dr. Feldman suggested, I saw a therapist, Ted Powers, PhD, weekly. However, Dr. Feldman and MGH did not like my therapist’s evaluation of the situation. (Read letter from Dr. Powers to Dr. Feldman.. also read letter from my primary care physician at the time, Dr. Johnson) I bent over backwards to comply with MGH, and against the advice of Dr. Johnson any my NP agreed to see a therapist at MGH. Half way into this meeting with Dr. Sabine Wilhelm, did I realize I was being evaluated for BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER? I emphatically state that I have NEVER had BDD, then or now… NEVER. Rich, you did not know me then and I did not appreciate your implication in your letter to Dr. Feldman that you believed I was suffering from BDD. Please read the letter from Dr. Wilhelm which states that she also agreed I did not fit the criteria for BDD diagnosis. This is one reason I asked you to read all the correspondence, which I realize is an exhaustive task, but this information (and its being ignored and twisted by doctors) that is the crux of my experience.
While I was turning myself inside out trying to get these so called “experts” in plastic surgery to acknowledge TISSUE DAMAGE, the nature of which should have been analyzed, they were focused on DENIAL of something that could have been identified with histological studies, for which I offered myself as a study subject. They tried to twist a PHYSICAL ABNORMALITY in to a fabricated psychiatric disorder! (Please see my letters to MGH President, & Dr. May regarding my requests for dermatological consultation.)
I must mention here that I would not be suffering from a life threatening physically identifiable condition today if appropriate action was taken by MGH and Dr. Feldman 10 years ago. I would not have been subjected to layer upon layer of confirmation bias by a long list of doctors to the point where I am literally at death’s door with each moment of survival dependant upon my ability to use one hand and whatever implement I can contrive to provide, by external means, enough support to the inner structures of my neck to prevent my tongue from pulling down my throat.. to prevent aspirating my own saliva (which is impossible and I have been doing. The only reason I don’t have pneumonia is because I am on antibiotics continually). When I read ridiculous excuses like that supposed by Dr. Feldman about “arthritis” as the cause of my having to live hunched over for years, I want to scream. How can this be happening? How is this real? How can a long list of doctors say they find “nothing abnormal” when not one of them has EVER taken their own hands to examine and feel what muscle support I am replacing with my own hands?
That I was driven to find a pathologist I could trust and make plans for my own autopsy well over one year ago as the only means left to me to prove what doctors will ignore until I am DEAD, speaks to their willingness to allow my death rather than admit they may have been WRONG in their initial assessment. Rich, you witnessed with your own eyes what I considered the best of the doctors I consulted… From there, I think you can get an idea of what the others were like.
Many years ago Lucille decided that she wanted me and only me to operate on her. It would seem that has not changed. But while I honestly feel badly that she continues to suffer, I do not think that any operation that I know how to do will make her better.
Dr. Feldman’s continued reference to wanting me to “feel better” detracts from my justified concern regarding PERMANENT TISSUE DAMAGE directly cause by the premature rhinoplasty.
I would expect, however, that she would gain a sense of comfort in her heart of hearts from doing the right thing by treating me fairly.
Who treated me fairly at MGH? I was put through Hell because these doctors chose to ignore and deny the permanent tissue damage I sustained from their mistakes. They turned my life inside out and forced me make a full time job simply to obtain my medical records!
I have always cared about Lucille’s well-being. I still do. It is my hope that she and I can set the past behind us in a spirit of mutual respect.
Oh yes? Cared enough that he refused to speak with me the single time I called his office and asked if he would spare me a few minutes of his time. He was actually in his office that day. His secretary did not say he was busy with a patient, nor did she make any other excuse. She simply told me to wait until I received “the letter” from MGH (March 19, 1999). I have this very brief conversation with Laura Keefe on tape.) He cared about me so much he REFUSED to speak with me, in spite of Dr. Powers and Dr. Johnson asking him in writing and phone call to please meet with me… Very “caring” indeed… Talk is cheap. Mutual respect?
Sincerely,
Dr. Joel Feldman
PS: Rich, he knows exactly what happened to my face from the rhinoplasty. He writes about the platysma becoming “soggy” sitting in serum for days and weeks. That is precisely what happened to me after the massive SEROMA developed immediately after my rhinoplasty. I have the tape of the meeting with Dr. May and listening to it after all these years, it is more appalling now than it was then. I realize mine is only one of countless medical TRAVESTIES… but I will never have a moment’s peace of mind or die without bitterness and resentment in my heart… I have been left to suffer all these years and DIE this way he and his like-minded, blind and arrogant colleagues allow it. The hypocrisy is too terrible.
Stumble It!
